Smoke gets in your eyes...at Tipton!

                                                      Midland Football Alliance

                                      Tipton Town v Gornal Athletic

Spice was added to the mix for this local derby,the present Tipton management team having previously been in charge at Gornal.The Gornal Supporters,loud and proud were there and in good voice, giving the match an extra dimension. It's not often you hear chanting or see flares at Midland Alliance games !

The first half was  a cagey affair with both defences to the fore and shots on goal at a premium, the hosts possibly shading it  with the visitors looking dangerous on the break but failing to test the keeper.

Half-time ; Tipton Town 0 Gornal Athletic 0

If the first half was cautious,the second half was anything but,Tipton being much more positive using both wings to stretch the play and it soon paid off with Ashton smashing the ball home. Gornal were not out of it but the hosts were having most of the possession with the visitors being  restricted to the occasional attack during which,they were at last, beginning to test the home keeper. It was no surprise really,when Tipton added a second as they were dominating play.Gornal refused to lie down and were unlucky on a couple of occasions but Tipton eventually ran out worthy winners.

Result ; Tipton Town 2 Gornal Athletic 0

Entrance ; £3
Programme ; n/a
Drink ; £1
Crowd ; 102
Ref ; Good

Wolves Casuals v BCR

                           West Midlands Regional League

                   Wolves Casuals v Black Country Rangers

This game looked good on paper and it didn't disappoint.From the off Rangers took the game to Casuals and for ten minutes they looked the more dangerous but Cassies defence stood firm and they soon were causing problems for the visitors. On 15 minutes Casuals took the lead and inside a couple of minutes they went further ahead. Back came Rangers with a goal of their own following a quick counter-attack.Three goals in 6 or 7 minutes,you couldn't take your eyes off it. Casuals were awarded a penalty,converted for a 3-1 lead.


Half  time : Wolves Casuals 3 Black Country Rangers 1

The second half started much the same as the first with the visitors having more of the ball for the first ten minutes during which they scored the goal of the game. Turton received the ball on the corner of the area,turned and sent a looping cross into the far corner.Brilliant goal ! 3-2 Before too long it was 4-2 and a further goal seemed to finish off the visitors,but back they came with a fine goal of their own.A further goal from each side rounded off an excellent game of football. Rangers did nothing wrong but were unlucky to play a Casuals team at the top of their game on the day. 

Entrance ; £3(concession)
Programme ; £1
Hot drink ; £1.10
Crowd ; 50 est 
Ref ; Ok

Something for the weekend :-

Replies Put on Child Support Agency Forms

The following are all replies that women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim X. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being
sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you
with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
conceived at a party on Acacia Avenue where I had unprotected sex with
a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I
fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW
that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.
Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's
had it replaced.

05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope
confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ
risen again.

06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do
so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for
the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.
Please advise.

07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all sailors look the
same to me. I can confirm that he was on a ship berthed at Norfolk.

08. Peter X is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can
you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney -
maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for
sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening.
If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilised.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby- after all when
you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

 

Two sent off

                           Black Country Rangers v Lye Town
                            West Midlands Regional League

This was a game to look forward to with 2nd in the table playing host to the league-leaders. The visitors enjoyed plenty of possession in the first half but were unable to break down BCRs' defence. That's not to say Rangers were being outplayed,far from it.They had their moments but there was always a Lye defenders' foot in the way. 

Half-time ; BCR 0 Lye Town 0

The home side came out much more on the front foot and controlled the game for long periods during the first 20 or so minutes.Lye took the lead against the run of play with their first serious attack of the half but,fair play to Rangers who came back even stronger and equalised. Then came an incident I'd been expecting from way back in the first half. The referee was seeing a lot of tackles as fouls and a number of players had been spoken to or yellow-carded.This would eventually lead to someone being sent off,which is exactly what happened.Unfortunately it wasn't one player,but two,both from BCR. The thinking might be it was a dirty game.Nothing could be farther from the truth.It was a good hard-fought game with no quarter asked and none given.

Lye scored a further two goals to move 9 points clear of their rivals and on the balance of play probably just about deserved their win. They're good to watch,pass the ball well and are very good defensively. BCR will play a lot worse than this and win. An excellent game played in the right spirit. Well done to both sets of players.

Here comes a 'Red' !

 Entrance ; £2(concession)
Programme ; £1.50
Hot drink ; From 70p - £1
Crowd ; 100(est)
Ref ; ?


With this post we will pass 5000 hits since we started in February. Must be doing summat right !

Finally,something to make you smile on a cold Saturday evening.A list of answers given on various TV/Radio shows :-
 

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?

THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson: In olden times,! what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?

Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!

NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.


FAMILY FORTUNES
1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword

2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon

3) Name the capital of France? - F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar
6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil
8) A famous Scotsman? - Jock
9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.
10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse
13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair
14) A famous Royal? - Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A bicycle with wings

RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.
Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.
Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.
THIS MORNING
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera. True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show,so I'll give you that.
BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four
BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I ru! n, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?
DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

 

Hard luck Heath Hayes

                                 Midland Football Alliance

                          Heath Hayes FC v Kirby Muxloe FC

On a cold,dull November day we're wrapped up against the weather with hat, scarf , gloves and a steaming cup of hot chocolate. I must be, no I am getting old 'cos I'm starting to feel it more. The hot drink helps but maybe needs a dram or two of blended central heating as a purely medicinal defence. The crowd is swelled by a gang of supporters from the now deceased Hinckley United FC and what a great bunch they are. True supporters ! Keep it real lads.....and lasses.

Kirby Muxloe are quickly into their stride and threaten the home goal within the first few minutes but gradually the hosts get into their own rhythm and for the rest of the half the game swings to and fro with Heath Hayes possibly having the edge in possession but KM posing the greater goal threat.

Half-time ; Heath Hayes 0 Kirby Muxloe 0

Whatever was in the visitors' half-time drink had an immediate effect as they took the game to the home side. It was definitely KM in the ascendency now possession-wise and they went close on two occasions.

The visitors took the lead midway through the half with a stunning goal from Allen who cut in from the left wing and curled a right-foot shot into the top corner giving the goalkeeper no chance. Sorry you won't be able to see it on MOTD. The home side threw everything they had at the visitors but could not break them down. Hard luck on Heath Hayes, they probably didn't deserve to lose but that goal of Allens deserved to be a match-winner at any level. This was a more than half-decent game to watch. Well done to all concerned.

     

 
Result ; Heath Hayes 0 Kirby Muxloe 1

Entrance ; £3(concession)
Programme ; £1
Hot drink ; £1
Crowd ; 59
Ref ; ???